“off work indefinitely…”

Those are the words on the piece of paper that the doctor handed me just over two weeks ago — the words that have been ringing through my head for the last 16+ days…

Now I’m sitting on a train, heading toward another week of tests to try an figure out what it is that’s going on inside my body that has turned my life into little more than a collection of waiting periods between doctor’s visits.

I don’t normally put health concerns on the Internet (mainly as a reaction against the folks who post status updates featuring pictures of the pile of used tissues because they got the sniffles today), but so many of you have been praying for me (and more!), that I figured it was time to end my inadvertent social media hiatus and let you all know what’s going on.

I’m not going to share the entire story here, as it’s rather long and quite involved, but I you’d like to know more than what I’m posting here, send me an email and I’ll share a little more.

Shannon, Zoe and I have been staying in Moncton for much of the last two weeks, but for this week, I’m on my way back to Nova Scotia by myself as Shannon is working for the next two weeks at the daycare (hence the train).

This week has two tests lined up, one that seemed a little out of the blue (a CT scan), and another (an MRI) that came about due to a lot of prayer (and more than a few phone calls).

We’ve been praying for a long time that we’d finally find an answer to this problem, and our hope is that these tests will go a long way toward finding that answer, and lead to a solution that will finally have me feeling well so I can get back to being a husband, father, and pastor instead of the burden that I feel like most days now.

Thank you again to all of you who have been praying over the last weeks — as difficult as it has been, knowing that so many people are praying has meant a lot. This has been a real exercise in learning to trust that God has the end game in mind, and I’m (slowly) learning to ask for help when I need it (since I seem to need a lot of it these days).

My own prayer has been that I would simply be willing to surrender all of this to God. I know he has all of this worked out — He knows what the problem is, He knows the solution, and ultimately, He is in control. As I fight this illness, I need to remember to stop fighting God and let Him work in me, knowing that it’s in our surrender that God wins.

we raise our white flag
we surrender
all to You
all for You
we raise our white flag
the war is over
love has come
Your love has won